Leisure Suit Larry 7: Love for Sail
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(NOTE: This walkthrough skips a lot of "low-point" bonus items that can
give you a maximum score. This walkthrough will NOT give you a 1,000 (maximum) score...find
the bonus stuff yourself!) SECOND NOTE: Despite all previous rumors, there is NOT a
lesbian survivalist-type character in this game by the name of Militia Etheredge. 1.}
Well, when last we left our hero (Larry's a HERO?), he was having a most interesting
evening with Shamara Payne (Sham-Payne). This game begins at the end of that evening...with
Shamara (who you spent HOURS trying to get to in LSL 6) dumping you and leaving you chained
to her bed...and indirectly starting the bed on fire. Oh, GRRRREAAATTT...well,
take the hair kit on the table on the right. Then take the vice grips on the table on
the left. Open your inventory (right-click your mouse & choose Inventory), open the hair
weave kit, use the needle with the vice grips. Close the inventory and use the bent needle
on the handcuffs. Click on the patio glass doors and choose the "Other" option to type in
"Break." Ooh, not a good paper cut (the second one, that is)...after a very silly jump to
the floor and an intro cut-scene, you'll wind up on a cruise ship in front of the Purser's
desk. Open your map (right click and choose Map) and choose Cabin 0 (bottom porthole,
furthest to right). Take the toilet paper and the spray can that's attached to the
toilet. Open your map and go to the Proud L'il Seaman Lounge. Open your map and choose the
"Sexual Prowess Competition" (look through the pink rectangular bunch o' rooms on the
largest deck). Use the TMT card on the machine on the left. A score of 2, huh? Gee,
GREAT job, Larry... 2.} Well, open your map and go to the swimming pool. Talk to Dick
(no, I mean the lifeguard). When you get past him, talk to Drew Baringmore (urrgh,
another bad pun... as if Captain Thygh weren't bad enough...) about her book (getting the
book), clothing (how the plant is placed conveniently on BOTH sides of your view is beyond
me...), "drink," then "Gigantic Erection." No, I'm serious. Now take the magazine on
the table on the right (you'll read a little of it...something about the
mother/daughter C&W act). Open the map and choose the library (right next to the purser's
desk). Take the green book on the right shelf...it's about the famous inventor, Anton
Fokker (and it's by Drew). Now take the blue book on the left side, bottom shelf, about
Electromagnetism. Okay, now move the cursor up the screen until it turns into a right-
pointing arrow (indicating to walk to the other side of the library). Click it to walk over
there. Talk to the librarian. Choose "Other" for a subject and type in anything
(something weird, maybe...like 'negative polarity' or whatever). She'll turn around
and start typing on the computer. When she does, take the mucilage on the desk. Also take
the book she was reading (if you have time. If not, choose "Other" under the Talk section
again and give her another weird subject to look up...THEN get the book). Open your
inventory. Select "Prudish and Proud" (her book) and remove the jacket. Use the Prudish
and Proud cover with the book you got from Drew ("The Erotic Adventures Of Hercules").
Close the inventory and say Goodbye to the librarian... who, by the way, goes by the name
of Victorian Principles (Sheesh, another bad pun!) She'll take "her" book back. Walk out
of the library to the atrium, then walk back IN to the library. Note how the music &
lighting at the back changes? Walk around the corner again, and talk to V.P. about the
weather. Oh my. Fade to part three. 3.} Open your map and go back to the library. Go
around to the librarian's desk again and talk to her. Serious downer. Choose the subjects
"sex," "Prove it," then "Luvmaster 2000." After the librarian beats the Luvmaster
2000 for you, open the map and go to the swimming pool. Walk past Dick, and talk to Drew.
Go through every conversation topic. Great-you've got to find her suitcase, huh? Open
your map and go to the promenade deck. Open the fire hose storage and take the fire hose.
Walk over to the woman with the peg- leg and eyepatch (you may have to roam around a bit to
find her). Talk to her about any subjects you feel like discussing, but especially
the pegleg and a cabin boy. Peggy is, without a doubt, my favorite character on the entire
ship. I must admit, juvenile or not, I was laughing my butt off with the constant stream
of "bleeps" from this woman. When you finish, go to the "Employees Only" section of the ship.
Despite the guns, go push the door on the opposite end. Take the red wire on the right side
(jumper wire). Take the tube of KZ Jelly. Read all the messages on the bulletin board.
Look at the lockers. NOW what? Go BACK to the promenade deck. Find Peggy and talk to her
about first the Break Room, then choose "Other," and type in "Locker." Okay, open your map
and go to the Break Room again. Open the second locker from the left in the bottom row....
4.} Unnecessary steps (everything in #4 can be skipped, if you don't mind sacrificing a few
points): Type in ALMOST any three 2-digit numbers. If you didn't pick the right
combination, open the map and go back to the promenade deck. Walk around a while-when you
find Peggy, talk to her about the combination. Naturally. Isn't that combination what
you GUESSED it might be? Then go back to the break room. 5.} Open the second locker from
the left on the bottom row again. Type in "38-24-36." Walk into the room (up & left-
pointing arrow) Talk to the guy sitting there, and go through all the available topics.
Also choose to buy the dirty pictures). Open the map and go to the promenade deck. Find
Peggy AGAIN and talk to her about this guy (Xqwzts, I think his name is). Go through all
topics. Open your map and go back to the employee break room. Open the second locker from
the left (same combination: 38-24-36), and walk into the room. Talk to the guy about all
topics, including Travelling and the passport. Go to the purser's desk. Talk to Peter
Purser...choose "Other" and type Passport. Open your inventory. Use the mucilage with
the dirty pictures, then use the sticky photo on the room keycard. Close your
inventory and use the photo ID on Peter. Open your map and go back to the break room.
Walk into the room behind the lockers and talk to the guy again about the passport. Use
the passport on him-he'll vanish. Take the key he leaves behind on the left (has a
little gold skull on it to indicate a "skeleton key") Open your map and go to the forward
hold. Use the Custodial Key on the door. After wandering a few seconds, a gorilla hits you
with a suitcase. It's Drew's...take it, then open your map and go to the swimming pool.
Talk to Dick, then talk to Drew about the suitcase. You'll wind up in your room again.
While Drew's showering (which goes on forever if you don't do something), use the fire house
on the toilet, then flush the toilet. After you nearly drown and Drew leaves, go
anywhere else on the ship (the atrium's a safe spot), then go BACK to your room. Notice the
shower now has some mold in it. Take it. 6.} Go up to the horseshoes competition (look
around; you'll find it...). Walk to the right, onto the Poop Deck (no comment). Hmmm... two
blonds with big...hairdos. In the sauna pool. Wydoncha & Nailmi Jugg (Now THAT one is
BAAAAAAAD) Look at 'em, then go through all conversation topics (the response to the "pickup
line" HURTS!) Open the map and go to the Heavin' Ho Restaurant. Talk to the meat
carver. Take the S'pork (the pig thing). Repeat until he leaves to get more. Take the
carving knife and the heat lamp while he's gone. Open the map and go to the Proud L'il
Seaman's Lounge. Walk to the back (click the arrow on the bottom right of the screen).
Talk to Johnson (the guy in the window) about every topic. Choose Gigantic Erection last.
When he goes away to make that, exit the closeup (click the "U-turn arrow" on the side of
the screen) and click on the door to the left of Johnson's window. See the blue bottle
of deoderant on the left? Use the silicone lubricant on it. Then push the red button at
the rear of the room on the shelves. Exit the room, and look at the lighting truss
that's come down from the ceiling. Take the spotlight bulb. Use the heat lamp bulb on it
(how convenient-it fits). Then open your map and go somewhere else. Head BACK to the lounge
and...oh my again. 7.} Open your map and go back to the lounge. Click the arrow up the wood
steps on the right of the stage to go up to the stage, then take the "clothing chase lights"
that are on the right rail. Walk left and pick up the remote control (it's the thing
with the big red button). Open the map and go to the El Replicant Sculpture Garden. Look
at the foot of the Venus DeMilo. Take dice from the toe, destroying the statue. Walk
out (down) into the Atrium, then back the way you came into the Sculpture Garden. Climb
the scaffolding (click the "up" arrow on one of the ladders) and take the
screwdriver. Use the chase lights on the iron spike sticking down from the ceiling.
Click the down arrow to go back down, then open the inventory. Turn on the remote control.
Close the inventory. Open your map and go to the horseshoe competition. Use the TMT card
on the centaur's rear end (no comment). Open your inventory and Turn On the remote control.
Close your inventory, then play horseshoes. Take the TMT card back from the centaur's butt
(ewwww...) Open your map and go to the Heavin' Ho restaurant. Go to the left side of the
table and look for the bowl of bean dip. Eat the bean dip three times (three guesses
why...) then open your map and go to the Pair O' Dice casino. Walk up to the craps table
(full of James Bond clones). Click on yourself and choose the "Fart" option). Ah-ha. So much
for the competition. Click Play on the craps table twice. Then open your inventory and
use the toilet paper on the souvenier (darker colored) dice. Close your inventory and use
the dice on the table. You'll play craps, win the competition, and wind up in yet another
woman's room...playing "Strip Liar's Dice." And this woman's name? Dewmi Moore.
Urrrrghhh...WHY, AL? WHY? 8.} This is my least favorite part of the game. Save the
game (remember the old LSL method of winning gambling games...save, if you win, save
again...and if you lose, restore? Well, you can't restore in this game, but same
idea...quit, then start again, restoring your just saved game). Click on the Rules button to
learn how to play. This is a game of bluffing skill and careful betting (and the game
tends to cheat a bit). However, to minimize your chances of losing, by pressing Ctrl-C on
your keyboard, you can also see what's in Dewmi's cup. Just remember...the "bullseyes" are
Wild Cards and can equal ANY other die-face needed. So when counting how many are in both
cups, be sure to count bullseyes as WHATEVER number is being bet on). Every time somebody
loses a round, they lose either $100, a piece of clothing, or a die. This game is an
official pain in the butt...especially since in order to win, not only do you have to get
all Dewmi's money, plus her shoe, blouse, skirt, TWO earrings, panties (with the
cleverly positioned drink disguising that) AND all of her dice before you win (she drugs
you, so she never does get to taking the bra off). Neat "drug sequence," though...Iron
Butterfly and dancing condoms. Uhhhh...yeah. Open your map and go to the kitchen. Take
the fish wrapped in the magazine. Take the pot, then the salt. Open your inventory and
read the magazine. Close your inventory, open the map, and go to the Lower Aft Hold.
Use the custodial key to open the door, then use the pot on a beaver to get Venezuelan
Beaver Milk. Open the map and go to teh Proud Li'l Seaman's Lounge. Talk to Johnson
and ask about Lime Juice. Open the map and go to the Fo'c's'le (Forecastle, vastly
shortened). Take the kumquats off the sheep-tree. Open your map and go back to the
kitchen. 9.} Use the beaver milk on the Cheesemaster 2000. Open inventory and use the
kumquats on the cheese. Open the map and go to Cabin 510. Take the orgasmic powder (on the
table in the rear left of the room). Open inventory and use the powder on the quiche. Close
your inventory, open your map and go to the Cook-Off competition. Use the quiche on the
conveyor belt. Open your map and go to the bridge. Use the screwdriver on the junction box,
then use the jumper wire on the junction box. Click the U-turn button. Click the up arrow
on the ladder next to you. When the sail unfurls, choose the Look option for the
sail. Use the knife on the sail. After the night passes and you fall out, open your map
and go to Captain Queeg's Ballroom. Go through the door with the Neptune (or
Poseidon, whatever) statue. Talk to the "Beautiful Woman" at the drawing table. This
one's name? Jamie Lee Coitus. I think I'm going to hurt the game designers. Go through
all topics, and when you're done, give her the polyester (from the sail). Now open your map
and choose Captain Queeg's Ballroom again. Click "Open" on the LEFT door (the one with the
Exit sign over it). After THAT'S over with, open your map and go to the Best Dressed
Competition. Unzip the mannequin's fly. After you win that contest, go to the
Employees Only area and go into the room behind the lockers. Use the screwdriver
on the vent. When everything goes black, sweep the cursor to the right, halfway down the
screen. Click every once in a while until you find "You." Choose the Undress option.
Take the handkerchief that's left. Open your inventory and use the KZ jelly on the hankie.
Close the inventory, open your map, and go to the aft hold. 10.} Open the door of the
hopper. Use the deoderant on the bowling pins. Open the map and go to the bowling
competition area. Use the TMT scorecard on the walrus (eww, disgusting!) Take the
bowling ball. Open inventory, and use the Treated Handkerchief on the bowling ball.
Close your inventory, then click Play on the bowling lane. After you win THIS one, open you
map and go to the Heavin' Ho Restaurant. There's a door in the back of the room (a
WAAAAAYYYs back) and go through. Look at the table and chairs...be sure to look at the
leftmost chair on the side of the table that's closest to the screen. Take the folded paper,
open inventory, then look at it. Now you find out the mystery woman's name...Anette Boning.
(ARRRRRGH!!!) Close your inventory. Open your map and go to the purser's desk. Talk to
Peter Purser about Annette Boning. Walk over to the courtesy phone and choose the Call
option on it...ask for Boning. After that's over, talk to Peter about your account.
Then look at the phone on Peter's desk (may have to do it twice, if you do it too fast the
first time) When you get the closeup of the phone, push the red LND button (Last Number
Dialed). Then open the map and go to the Owner's Suite (new location on second-from-
upper deck. Open the door. Walk over to the bed and click on yourself. Choose the
Undress button. Oh...BLECCH! 11.} Open your map and go back to the owner's suite. Push
the red button by the door. Talk to Annette about all available topics. When finished
(and you realize you're thinking about completely different things than she is), use the
insurance policy on her. You wind up with a stock certificate. Open your map and go
to the Captain's Quarters. Click on the door, choose Other, and type "Knock." After
the cut-scene, talk to the captain about every available topic. Then use the stock
certificate on her to win the game...or do you? After all, she winds up with the same
thing (putting handcuffs on you, just like Shamara did at the beginning). Be sure to watch
all the way through the credits, because at the end, the entire cruise ship gets abducted by
aliens. No. Seriously. And you get an advertisement for the 1998 installment, "Leisure
Suit Larry Explores Uranus." You've GOT to be kidding me. I hope. (Actually, earlier
in the game, if you click on the unavailable decks in the Atrium, you get the message
"These decks will be used in Leisure Suit Larry 8: Lust In Space," so maybe they really ARE
going to go in that direction...but this SCARES me.) For now...GAME OVER, MAN!